She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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