so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize