Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
