just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
