Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
