That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Can you repeat that, but with context?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
