I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
