Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
