We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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