Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
why didn't you poke me back
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize