Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
