He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
