glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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