Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
