I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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