We named our party play list daddy issues
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
