My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
