Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
