Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
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Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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