two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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