Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
