Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Randomize
