I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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