Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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