Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
God gave him joint rollers for hands
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
