You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
