she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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