Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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