We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
