I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
