Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
