Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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