So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize