Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
