I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
