You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
