Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
