marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
