Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
