my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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