my mouth tastes like poor choices
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
