god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
