What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
