I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
