even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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