Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I need water and some morals
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
