Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
