My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
