I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
