I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
