M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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