Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Buhtt sex?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
