She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
