I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
