I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
