Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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