So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
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