Someone shit on the floor
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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