If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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