i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
