So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
