Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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