I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
