I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
