You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
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Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
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No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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