my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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