You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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