no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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