4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
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