they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
you inspire me to be a worse person
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
